The Instant Empathetic Response

by Jim Fay

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Some Benefits of Delivering Love and Logic Consequences with Empathy

• The child is not distracted by the adult's anger
• The child must "own" his or her pain rather than blaming it on the adult.
• The adult-child relationship is maintained.
• The child is much less likely to seek revenge.
• The adult is seen as being able to handle problems without breaking a sweat.

Keep Your Empathy Short, Sweet, Simple, and Repetitive

Most adults find it difficult to deliver empathy when a child has misbehaved. The more natural tendency is to show anger, threaten, and lecture. Parents generally find it much easier to pick just one Love and Logic empathetic response to repeat over and over with their kids. When children hear this same statement repeated over and over, they learn two things:

1. My parents care about me.
2. My parents aren't going to back down. No use in arguing!

Pick Just One Love and Logic Empathetic Response and Use It Repeatedly

Examples:

1. This is so sad.
2. Bummer.
3. Ohhhhh...this is hard.

The Power of Nonverbal Communication

Studies estimate that between 70% and over 90% of what we communicate we do without words through subtle nonverbal gestures.

Research also reveals that children are experts at decoding these nonverbal cues. When delivering empathetic responses, the delivery is as important as your actual words! Avoid sarcasm at all costs!

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©1998 Jim Fay
Permission granted for photocopy reproduction.
Please do not alter or modify contents.
For more information, call the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. at (800) 338-4065.

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