Three Types of Parents
by Jim Fay| CONSULTANT This Love and Logic parent provides guidance and consultant services for children. |
HELICOPTER This parent hovers over children and rescues them from the hostile world in which they live. |
DRILL SERGEANT This parent commands and directs the lives of children. |
| 1. The Love and Logic parent provides messages of personal worth and strength | 1. provides messages of weakness and low personal worth | 1. provides messages of low personal worth and resistance |
| 2. The Love and Logic parent very seldom mentions responsibilities | 2. makes excuses for the child, but complains about mishandled responsibilities | 2. makes lots of demands and has lots of expectations about responsibility |
| 3. The Love and Logic parent demonstrates how to take care of self and be responsible | 3. "takes on" the responsibility of the child | 3. tells the child how he/she should handle responsibility |
| 4. The Love and Logic parent shares personal feelings about own performance and responsibilities | 4. protects the child from any possible negative feelings | 4. tells the child how he/she should feel |
| 5. The Love and Logic parent provides and helps child explore alternatives and then allows child to make his/her own decision | 5. makes decisions for the child | 5. provides absolutes: "This is the decision you should make!" |
| 6. The Love and Logic parent provides "time frames" in which child may complete responsibilities | 6. provides no structure, but complains, "After all I've done for you..." | 6. demands that jobs or responsibilities be done now |
| 7. The Love and Logic parent models doing a good job, finishing, cleaning up, feeling good about it | 7. whines and uses guilt: "When are you ever going to learn. I always have to clean up after you." | 7. issues orders and threats: "You get that room cleaned up or else..." |
| 8. The Love and Logic parent often asks self, "Who owns the problem?" helps the child explore solutions to his/her problem | 8. whines and complains about having an irresponsible child who causes "me" much work and responsibility | 8. takes over ownership of the problem using threats and orders to solve the problem |
| 9. The Love and Logic parent uses lots of actions, but very few words | 9. uses lots of words and actions that rescue or indicate that the child is not capable or responsible | 9. uses lots of harsh words, very few actions |
| 10. The Love and Logic parent allows child to experience life's natural consequences and allows them to serve as the teacher | 10. protects child from natural consequences, uses guilt as the teacher | 10. uses punishment; pain and humiliation can serve as the teacher |
©1981 Jim Fay
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