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Three Types of Parents

By Jim Fay
CONSULTANT
This Love and Logic parent provides guidance and consultant services for children.
HELICOPTER
This parent hovers over children and rescues them from the hostile world in which they live.
DRILL SERGEANT
This parent commands and directs the lives of children.
1. The Love and Logic parent provides messages of personal worth and strength 1. provides messages of weakness and low personal worth 1. provides messages of low personal worth and resistance
2. The Love and Logic parent very seldom mentions responsibilities 2. makes excuses for the child, but complains about mishandled responsibilities 2. makes lots of demands and has lots of expectations about responsibility
3. The Love and Logic parent demonstrates how to take care of self and be responsible 3. "takes on" the responsibility of the child 3. tells the child how he/she should handle responsibility
4. The Love and Logic parent shares personal feelings about own performance and responsibilities 4. protects the child from any possible negative feelings 4. tells the child how he/she should feel
5. The Love and Logic parent provides and helps child explore alternatives and then allows child to make his/her own decision 5. makes decisions for the child 5. provides absolutes: "This is the decision you should make!"
6. The Love and Logic parent provides "time frames" in which child may complete responsibilities 6. provides no structure, but complains, "After all I've done for you..." 6. demands that jobs or responsibilities be done now
7. The Love and Logic parent models doing a good job, finishing, cleaning up, feeling good about it 7. whines and uses guilt: "When are you ever going to learn. I always have to clean up after you." 7. issues orders and threats: "You get that room cleaned up or else..."
8. The Love and Logic parent often asks self, "Who owns the problem?" helps the child explore solutions to his/her problem 8. whines and complains about having an irresponsible child who causes "me" much work and responsibility 8. takes over ownership of the problem using threats and orders to solve the problem
9. The Love and Logic parent uses lots of actions, but very few words 9. uses lots of words and actions that rescue or indicate that the child is not capable or responsible 9. uses lots of harsh words, very few actions
10. The Love and Logic parent allows child to experience life's natural consequences and allows them to serve as the teacher 10. protects child from natural consequences, uses guilt as the teacher 10. uses punishment; pain and humiliation can serve as the teacher

 



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©1981 Jim Fay
Permission granted for photocopy reproduction.
Please do not alter or modify contents.
For more information, call the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. at 800-338-4065.

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