This Love and Logic parent provides guidance and consultant services for children.
This parent hovers over children and rescues them from the hostile world in which they live.
|DRILL SERGEANT |
This parent commands and directs the lives of children.
|1. The Love and Logic parent provides messages of personal worth and strength ||1. provides messages of weakness and low personal worth ||1. provides messages of low personal worth and resistance |
|2. The Love and Logic parent very seldom mentions responsibilities ||2. makes excuses for the child, but complains about mishandled responsibilities ||2. makes lots of demands and has lots of expectations about responsibility |
|3. The Love and Logic parent demonstrates how to take care of self and be responsible ||3. "takes on" the responsibility of the child ||3. tells the child how he/she should handle responsibility |
|4. The Love and Logic parent shares personal feelings about own performance and responsibilities ||4. protects the child from any possible negative feelings ||4. tells the child how he/she should feel |
|5. The Love and Logic parent provides and helps child explore alternatives and then allows child to make his/her own decision ||5. makes decisions for the child ||5. provides absolutes: "This is the decision you should make!" |
|6. The Love and Logic parent provides "time frames" in which child may complete responsibilities ||6. provides no structure, but complains, "After all I've done for you..." ||6. demands that jobs or responsibilities be done now |
|7. The Love and Logic parent models doing a good job, finishing, cleaning up, feeling good about it ||7. whines and uses guilt: "When are you ever going to learn. I always have to clean up after you." ||7. issues orders and threats: "You get that room cleaned up or else..." |
|8. The Love and Logic parent often asks self, "Who owns the problem?" helps the child explore solutions to his/her problem ||8. whines and complains about having an irresponsible child who causes "me" much work and responsibility ||8. takes over ownership of the problem using threats and orders to solve the problem |
|9. The Love and Logic parent uses lots of actions, but very few words ||9. uses lots of words and actions that rescue or indicate that the child is not capable or responsible ||9. uses lots of harsh words, very few actions |
|10. The Love and Logic parent allows child to experience life's natural consequences and allows them to serve as the teacher ||10. protects child from natural consequences, uses guilt as the teacher ||10. uses punishment; pain and humiliation can serve as the teacher |