Have you had success with Love and Logic techniques in your home, school, or classroom? We'd love to hear about it. Share your story with us!
My 11 year old daughter lost her house key at school and could not find it anywhere. When I got home, I asked her what happened. After her lengthy explanation, I asked her how she was going to solve the problem. She said, "I don't understand your question." I said, "Well, you have a problem. You can't get into the house without a key. What are you going to do about that?" She said, "I guess I can wait outside until you get home." I said, "Yes, that is an option. Would you like to hear what other kids have done?" She agreed, and I told her, "Some kids have to buy a new key. The first key is free but all other keys cost about $3.00 each." She said, "But I don't have a job." I said, "That's true, but some kids do chores to earn the money for the key." I was going to offer the choice of selling something, but she rushed to do some extra chores, one chore per dollar. The next thing I knew, she was on her hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor!! She still had 2 more to do, but she wanted that new key so she doesn't have to wait in that hot Texas sun for me to get home! All I could do is say, "WOW!" Love and Logic is simply amazing!!
Having two children in different schools is difficult, however with one being an Indigo Boy (Aspergers Syndrome) there are no other soluble options. What Love & Logic does is create a bridge bringing our entire family together where we can have common goals in not only getting along, but understanding each other. This program is priceless.
Story: Since attending the Administrators & Counselors workshop back in 2008, I have watched as this basic philosophy has transformed both students and program. Here at the Awareness Center 4 Excellence, we have been able to go from a logical discipline program to a self-directed self-discipline program.
L&L has become the gateway to this transformation. The majority of students and families who participate in our school come from the traditional form of education that relys heavily on a structured discipline system.
It is hard for most people to envision a learning environment without a discipline system with all the do's and don'ts spelled out. When we intitiated L&L, the results were immediate and sustained. We found the results so compelling that we began to ask ourselves if the practice of self-discipline could be offered as an alternative.
It was wonderful to find that by using L&L as a basis of introduction to our program, it was easier for students and instructors to grasp the concept of learning with the use of self-discipline. Students found it much easier to stay engaged in their learning when they saw everyone around them practicing self-discpiline, including the teacher.
When there was a mis-cue in behavior (there always is :)), it was easy to use logical steps to remind students of the importance of practicing self-discipline and to assure them that the effects of a poor choice was merely a concequence of that poor choice and not a punishment being administered by another person. The student was able to take ownership of thier actions with more maturity and able to engage in active learning from the expereince. This has led to greater transfer of the knowledge gained from these mis-cues as the student is able to apply lessons learned more quickly and effectively. Thank you L&L for this precious gift.
Lawrence N., M.Ed.
Love and Logic has given me the tools I needed to fulfill my role as a parent of two boys! Thanks to these simple strategies, I've been able to relax and enjoy my evenings with my kids! All information here is helpful and highlights our personalities to become more motivated to teach our children to be responsible.
We are fortunate to work in a tightknit community with involved teachers, students and parents. Bringing Love and Logic to our school has helped continue our growth towards strong, positive relationships with everyone involved. Last year we begin offering courses for our parents and the response was overwhelmingly positive! We cannot get materials and opportunities to learn more, out fast enough to our community. I look forward to our continued growth and future success with the help of Love and Logic techniques.
Assistant Principal - Liberty High School
I read "Love and Logic for Early Childhood" when my first daughter was eight months old. A few months later, she threw her first temper tantrum in public. People turned to stare, but on the inside, I just smiled. After all, I'd read Love and Logic, so I knew exactly what to do! I sat my daughter firmly in the shopping cart, and said in a lighthearted tone, "Oh, are you throwing your first temper tantrum? Not your best work, kiddo." Then I proceeded to utterly ignore her while keeping my expression totally unconcerned. The tantrum lasted less than a minute, and the entire time I felt so confident and in-control. My husband said she must have come away wondering what her best work is! I was so glad that I read your curriculum early enough that I knew exactly how to deal with discipline issues like this before they ever came up.
A number of years ago, I asked for your help after my wife suddenly walked out of our lives to marry someone else and I became a single dad in charge of raising two boys, ages 12 and 13. After a rough start, I started following the principles of Parenting with Love and Logic and the results were great. Now, 10 years later, I am happy to report to you that one of my sons graduated from the US Air Force Academy and is now in pilot training. My other son served in the US Marine Corps and is now a supervisor for a major wireless company. Thanks again for helping shape the lives of my sons, we could not have done it without your program.
Colorado Springs, CO
I love to be the mom who provides snacks and drinks for my kids and their friends. I have a cabinet in my garage that is usually full of drink choices. I just get really irritated when the kids leave the pop cans and juice bottles all over the place. I must admit that even though I am a Love and Logic parent, I tried several other things first. (yelling, threatening, pleading, etc.). One day I decided to use actions rather than words…so while the kids were at school I loaded up my car trunk with all the beverages. The cabinet was left empty. I was away when my kids came home from school and I wish I had a video camera set up as they came in. The funny thing was that no one said anything to me for about two days. Finally, my youngest son asked me what they had to do to get the drinks back. I said that I wasn't sure yet. Then next day he asked again. I said "do you know why they are gone?" He said "cuz we leave the cans and bottles all over the place." I told him he could move the beverages from my car back to the cabinet. I have to say this was the best, most long lasting solution I have ever had. The kids are perfect about picking up the cans and bottles and remind each other to do it. They even remind my husband because they don't want to get blamed for something he did. I did this experiment about 8 years ago and I never have to say anything about it. I just smile whenever I see them taking care of it!
Parent and Educator
I'm a mother of two 4 year old twin boys. I've been struggling with discipline and the fact I share parenting duties with their father, from whom I'm divorced. Add in a recent marriage for me (with step children) and it's a recipe for insanity at our house. I just finished your book this weekend and can already see a difference at our house. The simple act of replacing anger with empathy and giving lots and lots of choices allowed me to reach bedtime without feeling like I'd been run over by a speeding semi truck!!!
Thank you so much for a book filled with great advice. Now I only wish I would have read it a year ago when I bought it!!!! Thanks again!
I have been using Love and Logic for 2 weeks now with my 6 year old. When saying "I love you too much to argue" he replies with "no please argue" and I just smile to myself. He came out of school one day and was upset over my placement in the carpool line and started hitting the car window. I said "you're draining my energy." When we got home he had to do 2 chores in order to replace my energy. He has not repeated the behavior since. It is hard for me to not keep talking, but it is simple and keeps me calmer. Thank you!!
I was introduced to Love and Logic about six months ago when I was at my witts end with my thirteen year old. I was tired of the arguing, fighting, crying, and constant upset in the home. I have to say Love and Logic is a completly different way then I or my husband were raised, but it works. The arguing has minimized and our daughter is starting to understand that her actions are hers to be responsible for. But I too learned something, I learned to let go of control. I have to admit it was scary at first but so liberating and amzing once I did this. Our family is a happier place, and yet not perfect, we are functioning so much better. Thank you Jim for this amazing program.
I have taken Love and Logic classes three times and feel like I have somewhat mastered what a Love and Logic parent should be. The other night before bed, my ten-year-old son said to me, "Mom, I think I just need some discipline. Like, ya know, get down and give me 20 or something." I couldn't help but laugh. I tried to explain that I do discipline him. I reminded him of the situation that happened before he had left for school that morning. I said, "Remember when I was talking to you this morning and you were being a little disrespectful and said you had to leave for school?" He nodded yes. I continued, "Remember when you were going out the door and I said, 'Have a great day honey! What a bummer though. We'll talk when you get home.' You came back in the house very quickly, apologized and said 'Mom, I'm sorry for being disrespectful, but I really do have to leave for school so can we talk when I get home?'" I told him this was discipline because he knew if he didn't fix the situation there would be a consequence when he got home. What is awesome to me is that he still thought he needed some discipline!
I was given a Love and Logic CD when my son was two-years-old and I immediately began to incorporate the concepts. I recall the first time I had a chance to use choices. My son and his playmate decided that jumping on the couch was fun, so I responded, "You and your friend can play on the floor in the living room or in your room." Without a word, the two little buddies went straight to his room to play, no problem. Over the years, some of my favorites included saying the following to get out the door, "The Mommy Bus/Cab is leaving in _____ minutes and I hope you will be in it." Or to get homework done when you ask by saying, "Do you want to do your homework before or after dinner?" And for bedtime, "Do you want to take your bath first or brush your teeth first?" Or, "Do you want mommy to tuck you into bed or would you prefer a story before I turn off the light?"
My son is 12 years old now and homeschooling is going great. Parents, just remember, children will only reach the potential or standard that you expect or set for them. When you decide to only accept a child's efforts that you know are their very best work, attitude and behavior that's what they will give you. Thank you for the opportunity to share.
My family and I went to visit out of state relatives. My brother-in-law and his two daughters went with us. On the way home, we were planning to drop the girls off at their mom's which was two hours out of the way. My husband and I had already driven over half way and we wanted his brother to take a turn. He didn't agree to our plan so to get him to drive, I told him, "My car goes straight home to my house when I drive. When I drive, I don't know how to get to anyone else's house." After several minutes of stewing, I overheard him tell my husband, "I don't have a problem driving."
When my three foster children arrived, they were bouncing off the walls. I had no relationship with them, no leverage. I read your book over and over. I kept it in my purse. Their behaviors were always unexpected and often shocking - without the one-liners in the book, I don't know what I would have said or done. It took us about six months to see results using Love and Logic. It was either six months of feeling like I knew what I was doing (with results to show for all of my hard work), versus not having a plan of what to do with probably few, if any, good results. I recommend this book to foster families and suggest that it will make the first six months of transition much easier.
Love and Logic has given me the skills, knowledge and confidence to guide my son through toddlerhood and raise a healthy, happy and responsible child with a strong character base. Although I am lucky that my son is a mild mannered and sweet child, I now have the confidence that I will get him through some more difficult years ahead. I truly recommend Love and Logic to all parents, even before they have any behavior issues.
I started with Love and Logic when my older sister gave me the CD's for early childhood when I had my first daughter. When I was in the car, I would listen to the CD's, which were pretty interesting and quite humorous. I started using the techniques with Charlotte during the infant years. It worked so well in situations where she would drop her sippy cup, play with her food, and throw her food. It did not take long for those behaviors to stop, using the Love and Logic techniques. During the toddler years, the Love and Logic methods worked even better for things like cleaning up, teaching manners, speaking and asking for things using nice voices, sharing, brushing teeth, getting ready for bedtime, getting dressed, sitting down to eat, and so forth. Charlotte and Jessica are 17 months apart. When they play together, they actually use Love and Logic with each other. My girls are now three and four-years-old. They LOVE to make choices and are so independent. Of course, those choices are ones that I'm okay with either way, right? Anyway, I have been a Love and Logic parent for four years now and hands down, it was, is and will continue to be the best gift I was given as a mother and that I will continue to give to my children and their children. Yes, I am a FAN!!! Thank you!
I purchased the CD "Quick and Easy Classroom Interventions" at the beginning of the year and finally got around to listening to it. I applied some of the techniques to a student who experiences meltdowns constantly. It really worked! At first, when the child walked in and didn't get her way, she threw her stuff on the floor one thing at a time. At first I was frustrated and thought here we go again. Then, I went up and whispered in her ear, "Is this a good time for this?" She cried under the table. I went under the table and whispered, "Just because I care about you, should I let you act like this?" She answered, "No," stopped crying immediately and went back to work. I was so amazed I had to share.
I attended a seminar in the late '90's that Jim Fay did at our local high school. I received a lot of help that day along with a catalog that provided a list of some great comebacks to use when I was at a loss for words. I cut it out and taped it to the cabinet by my kitchen sink so I was ready to go when needed. One of my favorites was, and still is, "I love you too much to argue." My oldest daughter loved verbal combat and that line was my saving grace. There were a few times where she would say, "No, I want to argue with you." I would respond by repeating the mantra Jim had given me.
One time, she was misbehaving in a store and I said, "I love you too much to argue." She replied very loudly, "You are so lame! You can't even come up with your own comebacks." She had me dead on. I didn't know how to respond to that and I knew others were watching how this was going to go down. Jim Fay had not told me how to respond but I could hear his voice in my head saying, "Calmly repeat your mantra." So I did, over and over again. The situation ended there and was discussed calmly later, at home.
My daughter is now 22-years-old and finishing her last semester of college. We were discussing the shopping incident and how funny it is now. She told me, "That stuff really works!" She explained how she and her roommates were discussing a heating bill and it was not going anywhere good. She knew she needed to end it because it was late at night and her two roommates had been drinking. She had not been drinking and things were starting to get heated. She said to them, "I care about our relationship too much to argue about it now." The argument was diffused and was calmly settled the next day.
I laughed until I cried when she told me this story because I can honestly say, she was my most combative child and I knew how she felt about me using Jim's words all those years. She vowed when she was younger she would never be so "lame" to say that. Now she is using Jim Fay's one-liners with positive results and has the ability to admit it to me.
Your books have made my life so much better and my relationship with my three daughters much smoother. Thank you for all you do at Love and Logic and keep up the great work!
Grand Rapids, MI
About two years ago we were invited to a Love and Logic seminar put on by our school. My husband and I had been having a very hard time with our three children and needed a new way of parenting. We thought we would check it out. We didn't hold much hope for help especially because we have a special needs son, but we gave it a try. Within the first five minutes we were blown away by the concept. That very night we went home and made energy drain charts and started to discipline. It took about three months, but the turn-around in behavior was unmistakable! They are so much better behaved, make great choices, are helping around the house, and are even doing better in school! The biggest turn-around is with our special needs son who has not had a behavioral problem at school in the last year and a half. We could not be happier! And we don't miss our "I hate parenting" days at all! I tell everyone who will listen about this wonderful program!
We have four children: a 9 year old, 4 year old, 3 year old, and 9 month old. We have only been doing Love and Logic for a couple of months but it has literally begun to transform our home. We were at our wits end with our 3 year old because he would not stay in his bed or room for nap time or bedtime. We were totally stressed out. Our kids were running the household and keeping up with their behavior was exhausting. I wish we had found Love and Logic sooner because it would have saved us so much stress and anxiety. We have slowly been integrating the techniques and our 3 year old now goes to bed at nap time and bedtime with no problem. Our relationship with our 9year old has improved as well because he gets a say now instead of just always being told what to do. It has also helped him to be more responsible and it is less exhausting for me and my husband because we no longer feel like we have to solve all his problems. My husband and I joke that if you had an infomercial we would be the perfect family! I tell other families all the time about Love and Logic. I only wish someone had told me sooner!!
We have two boys, ages 10 and 11. We have been using Love and Logic for seven years and I am now a facilitator. We are forever grateful for the wonder this program has brought to our family. Life is just easy.
This morning, my husband and I had to leave the house by 7:30 a.m. for a conference with our 10 year old's teacher. Our kids ride their bikes to school and we informed them that we would like them to ride together. We then told our oldest son that if his brother wasn't ready by 7:55 a.m., he was free to leave without him. Hearing this, our always "bit of a dilly-dally" younger son bolted to his room to get dressed. My husband and I were giggling as we walked to the car and my husband said, "It's just too easy!" It's amazing what we can accomplish when we don't tell them what to do.
Fleming Island, FL
Parent, Facilitator of Love and Logic curriculum
I took a two month Love and Logic parenting class offered through my son's school. I was looking for ideas to help me with parenting. It came in handy!! When my son was 11 years old, he was the captain of his youth group. They were on their way to represent their youth group at a big convention in the capital city. The night before, I asked him if his uniform was ready. He quickly responded "yes." I left it at that. The next morning it was almost time to leave. I gave a five minute warning and he quickly bolted out of his room franticly looking for parts of his uniform. We had to pick up another child, so I casually walked out to the car and waited the five minutes. I started to back out of the drive way when time was up, and he ran out to meet us. His uniform was not ironed, he didn't have the proper shoes, and he was missing his badge. I did not nag or belittle him. When I picked up the other child, I commented on how nicely ironed her uniform was and how well put together she was. When he got to the church, all of his youth group, as well as the leader, commented on his disheveled look. The leader questioned me and I commented "he is responsible for his own dressing." The leader understood. With the embarrassment and personal disappointment my son experienced, he never represented himself in such a manner again. I am a single mother and a teacher. I also have 15 nieces and nephews. This model of discipline is the most logical and successful way I have found.
Parent and Educator
We have found Love and Logic to be a great tool to help raise our grandchildren. It takes a lot of effort to remember the techniques sometimes, but we know it is paying off.
Several years ago, my 9 year old grandson was acting up in church. I took him out to the car to get settled down and I told him he was using up my energy that he could pay back when we got home. At home we went out to the backyard to clean up dog poop to get my energy back. After the first scoop into the shovel, he said "Grandpa, I'm allergic to dog poop and avocados; they make me want to puke". I told him that was really sad and we continued to pick up some more. After awhile, I told him my energy was back and that I loved him. He, his brother, and sister know not to do something that makes them go clean up the yard.
The other thing I have done is give them choices at mealtime for cup colors, milk or water, and how much. I have decided that Love and Logic is a great tool to teach math. Way before they hear it in school, they will know about fractions, like 1/3 or 2/3 and tenths as we ask them how much they want in their glass.
Finally, we just saw a niece who has a 2 1/2 year old daughter, with a mind of her own, and a brand new baby in the house. The niece commented that kids don't come with an instruction book. I asked her if she has ever heard of Love and Logic and she hadn't. I plan to get her and all my nephews and nieces with kids a CD to introduce them to Love and Logic. I believe it will change their lives.
After starting Love and Logic when my kids were a little older and doing it for five years, people comment that my now 16 and 19 year old kids are weird. They get along, are helpful, responsive, obedient, responsible, etc. (for the most part). It took about one year to really see the results and has been lovely ever since. I am sooo very grateful for Love and Logic. I'm a single mother too and it has made my life so much easier.