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Everything Rests on Relationships

Dr. Charles Fay

What makes Love and Logic work? Some believe it’s our strong emphasis on setting limits. They think that folks who are struggling with their kids just aren’t setting enough limits. Others believe that the power of Love and Logic has more to do with providing consequences for misbehavior. They think that those who’re unsuccessful with kids just need to do a better job of providing bigger and more powerful consequences.

Both of these viewpoints are right…and also wrong. Limits are critical, but we’ll never make them stick if we don’t have good relationships with our kids. Holding youngsters accountable for their misbehavior is also essential, but have you noticed that kids just don’t seem to care that much about consequences when they come from someone they don’t love and respect?

Everything rests on relationships. Limits gain their power from them, and so do consequences.  So, if we want Love and Logic to have its full power, we’re wise to do plenty of the following:

  • Focus mostly on our children’s strengths rather than their weaknesses.
  • Smile at them as often as possible.
  • Write them little notes that tell them how much we adore them.
  • Greet them each day with a hug or a high five.
  • Make sure that they overhear us talking about how much we love them.
  • Deliver our Love and Logic with great empathy and sincerity.

We know that time spent building relationships will pay off better than any other investment. Thank you for reading and for sharing with educators and parents you know and love.

For more, check out How to Teach Without Getting Punched


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