Have you had success with Love and Logic techniques in your home, school, or classroom? Want to provide a review? We'd love to hear about it. Read the Love and Logic reviews provided by parents, teachers, and professionals from around the world. Discover the success stories others have had with Love and Logic - the situations in which it was used, how it worked to enhance the adult-child relationship, and the simple techniques and practical advice of Love and Logic can help you raise responsible and self-confident children.
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In 2008 I was researching classroom management techniques and I came across a reference to a book called Teaching with Love and Logic: Taking Control of the Classroom. I ordered the book and it sat on my “to read” desk for several months. On the day I finally cracked open the book, less than two pages in, I knew I had struck gold. The authors were educators like myself and they spoke my language. I immediately purchased Parenting with Love and Logic and a bunch of other titles and CDs. These books and CDs lead to the strongest Aha moments of my life.
I raised my kids in the 80s and 90s. Probably a hybrid parent, I attended numerous parenting classes in my quest to be the perfect Mom. At the time, I learned much about active listening, I messages, and who owns the problem. I embraced these concepts and read much on those topics, yet none of these gave me a single strategy of what to do, when, and how. So, I mostly resorted to the habitual rant, rave, rescue, repeat dysfunction. Somehow, I knew there had to be more but it alluded me for all those years. Every now and again, I would meet confident parents and I saw a major difference between their kids and mine but I never did find out why. I knew active listening was a good start and that parenting in a way that doesn’t harm the relationship is crucial but I never knew what to do past being empathetic.
Sadly, L and L was already in existence and had I known about it, I would have raised my kids differently. However, years later when I read that first book I knew I finally found the missing links that alluded me. Best of all, I noticed the values were aligned with mine. So, armed with my new knowledge of simple effective strategies (as a consulting parent in training) of empathy, providing choices, natural, and delayed consequences to name a few, I began implementing them with my grandkids, my struggling learners, and with my grad students as well. In fact, the strategies came in handy in all my relationships with children and adults.
Several years ago, I became a facilitator for the Parenting with Love and Logic Curriculum. The curriculum offers a powerful combination of storytelling and humor to impart simple, logical, and effective techniques. Best of all there are no lengthy steps or details to remember. So, each week I watch as parents relax and laugh for 2 hours as they are entertained by entertainer/parenting experts, barely realizing that they are learning. Each session, in a light fun atmosphere, new ideas are explored and practiced. Apprehensive at the start of session one, these same parents leave confident with their new skills to a clear path of happy healthy parenting at the end of session 6. Each session builds on the previous one by reviewing, adding one new idea, and previewing what’s up next, in a way that’s just like the Goldilocks principal- not too much, not too little, but just about right amount for participants to digest and attempt during the next week.
Each session builds on the previous one by reviewing, adding one new idea, and previewing what’s up next, in a way that’s just like the Goldilocks principal- not too much, not too little, but just about right amount for participants to digest and attempt during the next week.
L and L fits all value systems easily. In L and L, we learn that we can’t change people (nor should we) least of all our kids- and we can’t force them to do what is right. Lectures and moralizing are ineffective. But there are indeed powerful changes to those around us when we work on changing ourselves.
Jim’s final monologue of Randy’s story is a poignant and powerful end to the course with few dry eyes in the audience including myself. And finally, the moment of truth for me, has always been watching the genuine surprise the participants experience when they compare the pre-questionnaires responses to their post questionnaires. In a few short sessions, the initial negative responses have shifted to significantly more positive ones. Indeed, we are all on road to becoming consulting parents.
Thank you for changing my life and the lives of parents in my community. Please consider offering workshops in the Greater New York Area in the future.
Dr. Caron K.
Parent and Facilitator of Love and Logic curriculum
I'm a Love and Logic Facilitator. I provide the curriculum to adoptive families as part of Eckerd Kids' Post-Adoption Support Services program. My families have found so much success with the techniques; I wanted to share an example I thought you'd enjoy. The other day I was in-session with a family talking about the uh-oh song for their 3 year old. They were telling me how they've tried it and it's been tough but they think it's working because his reactions are getting less intense each time. First he was running into the door, then there was kicking, now there's just whining, which is an improvement! As luck would have it, the 3 year old starts to tantrum right there in the middle of my session! I was thinking oh great, if this doesn't work they're totally going to lose faith in me. Both parents look at me with that deer in headlights look, I think they were thinking the same thing, oh great, this lady is judging us, this isn't going to work and she'll lose faith in us. Mom and Dad both sing "uh oh!", Dad scoops his son up and brings him to the bedroom. He closes the door and sits in the hallway. There's a little bit of whining and then, silence! In a matter of minutes the tantrum was over. The 3 year old emerged from the room a changed little boy. He was tired and cranky when I first started the session. After a little bedroom time he was honestly beaming. He decided he was ready to finish his dinner. He even went to get his own bib, put it on himself, and shouted "I did it!" Then he tried to put a bib on his dad, we all laughed and he and dad shared a big hug. We talked about the sense of pride he suddenly had, how making a problem the child's to fix shows them how much they can handle.
I share the techniques with families all the time but don't usually get a chance to see them in action. To see this child so proud of himself and the family enjoying a silly, bonding moment after what had historically been such a source of stress for them was truly moving for me. Thank you for making this available to so many families, it's so much fun to teach!
Facilitator of Love and Logic curriculum
I just wanted to share a recent story. My son is 14 and although he is a very good citizen and student most of the time, got caught up in a huge web of lies that started because he decided not to do a homework assignment. This is a web he has been weaving since we found out about his first zero about 5 weeks ago. Since then there have been 3 more. I believed every word he said when he told me they were in the no name pile and that he had corrected the problem. It just so happens that his teacher said he was running behind in entering grades so I had no reason to question this. He has been on restriction from his phone and video games for the zeros, because we told him that more focus needs to go on turning in a complete assignment, which in our opinion includes your name. Because it kept happening we decided to put him on restriction. Well last night I just had that mom got instinct and he lied to me straight to my face again when I asked him about an assignment that he was working on. I looked at him and I said "why are you doing this? Why are you lying to me, you know it's not true." He completely broke down and admitted everything and he lets all of his emotions out. I sat there and supported him and listened and did not judge, even though I was hurt and angry. I knew that the pain and disappointment he was feeling in himself were going to teach much more than a raving lunatic mother would. There were lots of tears from him and so much regret. He is going to admit everything teacher and try to make up the work. This is not easy at all for him, because he thinks highly of this teacher and knows that there may be some disappointment involved. I am so proud of my son for picking up the pieces and trying to figure out what he's going to do about the mess he made. THANK YOU LOVE AND LOGIC.
I attended the Love and Logic Seminar yesterday in Eden Prairie MN with Dr. Charles Fay. I just want to say THANK YOU for making it to our state. Your information, your presentation of the information and the examples are absolutely invaluable to not just parents or educators but to social workers and others professionals working with families or adults who have some disabilities. I really enjoy how Dr. Fay was so engaged with the people before the conference, during and afterwards. It was the best conference and the most valuable I have been to. Too many parents in this time of age are losing the concept of loving their kids versus- Achievement and Equality in school settings. Thank you for reminding people of the real morals and values that help kids be successful.
I have been working with Aldine ISD for the last six years training on Love and Logic principles. It started when I worked for Harris County Department of Education as the Principal of Highpoint East, a discipline alternative campus serving grades 6-12. We had several school districts that sent students to us because they were not successful in their districts discipline program. Students were also sent to us because Texas state law requires students charged with certain Title V felony offenses that are non-school related must be placed in a discipline alternative school. Many of our districts due to the severity of the charges (murder, aggravated robbery, aggravated sexual assault, etc.) wanted the students out of the district pending disposition of the charges.
Our campus began looking at something we could do to improve our services to students and not just be the consequence for their behavior. We knew the only hope that many of the students had was to learn how to make better choices. The majority of the students were behind academically due to the loss of instructional time by being in the office, in on campus suspension programs and at home suspensions. Many had already been adjudicated and were returning after being incarcerated. We heard someone talk about Love and Logic and we started investigating if it would fit with our campus. A few of us went to a session that Dr. Fay did in Houston and it peaked our interest a lot. After looking at the research and testimonials, we decided to make the commitment to get some of our staff trained. We took a team of teachers and administrators to the training in Colorado Springs two summers in a row. I think our first trip was in 2006 or 2007. We began implementing Love and Logic and experienced great success after we practiced and kept learning. We were also able to bring Dr. Charles Fay to work with key staff members to support our training efforts. That was a phenomenal experience. Our districts noticed the students that earned their way back to them were different. They were making better choices and many were even telling other students about some of the Love and Logic skills. Our recidivism rate plummeted. Several of our districts asked us to do some staff development for their teachers on our success and the skills. Aldine ISD was one of those districts. I started initially training all of their new assistant principals each year. After a few years we added the training for teachers.
I retired from HCDE in June, 2014. At the time I was the Director of Curriculum. I was the lead trainer for all of our campuses and for districts that contracted with us. When I retired, Aldine ISD wanted to expand their training. HCDE declined to do the training and I agreed to do it for Aldine. It has been such a successful experience. Several teachers and administrators have been trained over the last several years. I am also able to offer follow up support when requested. Last year I was asked to work directly with Hall Center for Education. It is a choice alternative school for students in danger of not graduating due to lack of credits. They serve students grades 9-12.
This school year we have focused on reviewing the skills and their implementation as well as training new staff. I recently did a review of enforceable statements and gave the teachers a homework assignment. I even used an enforceable statement when I gave the homework assignment, “I will give feedback to teachers who turn their assignment in by the due date.”
I have been very pleased at the response by most of the teachers. One of the teachers, Christopher M., did such an excellent job on his assignment. When I sent him the feedback, I asked him the question below. I was delighted to see his response. I asked him if I could use his statement in my trainings. Many times teachers new to the training are skeptical that it will work. I like to share what has worked for other teachers. Below is the “transcript” of the conversation.
I appreciate your help over the last several years. As I told you a couple of months ago, you are always my go to person at Love and Logic. You always find an answer to my many questions and are so very patient with me. I have used Love and Logic on my grandchildren since they were little. I can testify that it works. Of course, my granddaughter is 13 now and I have to remember I do know about Love and Logic and use it with her. It is easy to react first when those buttons are being pushed instead of thinking! I have taught middle school and been a middle school principal, but it seems different when it is so close to home. We will make it through these next few years because of Love and Logic!
Keep answering my many questions and those of all the other believers out there. Thanks for letting me know I could send this to you and you will share it with the Dr. Fays.
Thank you very much.
My 17-year-old son has become the go-to babysitter for a family of four active and fun boys. The boys like him because he’s always up for adventure, and he’s reliable. The parents like him because the boys have fun, go to bed on time and they come home to a clean kitchen. Recently, Ian watched two of the boys for the weekend — two nights and three days. The grandparents dropped in on Sunday to see how they were doing, and remarked to Ian “my other daughter asked me to find out what your parents did to raise you so well. She wants to do the same thing with her kids.” Without missing a beat, Ian said, “Oh thank you sir. They read it all in a book: Love and Logic. Tell her to order it !
We discovered Love and Logic through our Preschool when Ian was about 4. Since then, we've raised two more kids the Love and Logic way and watched the videos and discussed them with groups at our church. My kids aren't perfect (nor are their parents) but they are much more responsible thanks to your program.
Thank you very much.
I use Love and Logic parenting as part of my education within a home based parenting education services program. A few years ago, I met a child who fit the definition of little Miss Amy, from the video series. This little girl we'll call Mary (name changed to protect identity), was miserable. She whined all day long about anything and everything. Her mother was overwhelmed and did not know how to change the behaviors or how to set reasonable limits for Mary, as she had come from a home rife with abuse. She was deathly afraid of being too harsh and unreasonable with her child. So, she did all in her power to make her child happy. Unfortunately, this wasn't working. Mother tearfully reported, "I'm a terrible mother. She acts like she hates me. We have plans for a trip to Mary's favorite theme park in two months' time, I need you to fix her so we can go". I have to admit, after three hours in the home, I was exhausted, too. At least I could go home for the night. Mom had to stay there. What a sad, but correctable, situation.
When I first met the family, the child would have nothing to do with her mom. She wouldn't look at her and, if asked for a hug, would yell, "no!" and run away. Mom was heart broken. If she asked for juice and mom gave it to her, she would take a sip and throw the cup on the floor. Then, she would demand milk or another type of juice. This scene played out all day long and into the night over anything and everything. Mother, always complied with her demands; not realizing little Mary was begging for someone to help her find balance and provide calm, loving boundaries.
Then, mom learned just a little Love and Logic. She stated the boundary and consequence, if Mary failed to comply. Of course, little Mary had to test. She promptly climbed up to stand in the middle of the kitchen table, and heard the "Uh Oh" song for the first time; quickly followed by a trip to her room. There she learned how to choose between having the door open or closed for her 2 minute time out. But, Mary had to test that boundary, too. She would open the door and throw out her toys. Of course, then she had to come out and pick them all up. Mom was beside herself. What to do? It was explained that this was Mary's next level of testing the limit to see if mom would remove the boundary. Mom held fast and taped and toddler door knob cover over the inside of the door to prevent Mary's escape. Then, she stood there, calmly (watching on the video monitor) while Mary raged within the room and tried to remove the knob cover. When that did not work, Mary upped the ante with another bright idea. Surely peeing on the floor would get her a get out of jail card... Again, mom was beside herself. "Surely we don't leave her in wet panties", she said. I had to agree with her on that one, and set about cleaning up the puddle on the floor, while mom freshened Mary. Of course, Mary just knew this was her ticket out. Boy was she surprised to find herself back in that room! The next battle was over wearing the clean pair of panties. She wanted them on. Then, when mom tried to put them on, she kicked them off. This repeated until mom set them on the floor and walked out of the room. In the end, Mary put her own panties on. She spent a total of 45 minutes in her room, wailing and raging, before she fully calmed for her two minute time out.
When she came out of the room, all mom said was how nice it was to have her back. Of course, we all know Mary was having none of that! Mom later reported there were two more time outs that evening, all within the two hours following the initial one. However, the length of time actually spent getting to the two minute time out decreased from 45 minutes, to 35 minutes, then to 20 minutes. After that, Mary quit for the day. Mom couldn't believe it! It was the first time in two years this child wasn't constantly whining and crying. She went to bed, without a fuss, and slept peacefully for the first time in over two years.
As time went on, mom learned how to "remove the offending object" and would quickly place the toys Mary refused to pick up, into a toy timeout box on top of the fridge. Mary learned that, while they would return the next day, she lost the privilege of playing with them, when she didn't comply with mom's instructions.
Mom also learned how to give choices to empower her child, without overwhelming her. Getting dressed in the morning stopped being a battle. No longer was her kitchen run by a short order cook, desperately trying to satisfy her child. Gone was the fear of appearing in public because Mary would put up such a fuss that mom could not manage one aisle of he grocery store, with Mary in tow.
It took three months, and many tear filled phone calls from mom, as she learned how to parent the Love and Logic way. I'm happy to report that, on my final visit, I found a mother and child with smiles on their faces, exchanging hugs and enjoying each other's company. Mom called six months later to report the family had been able to vacation, and have fun, at their favorite theme park.
Thank you Love and Logic!
I am writing this not because of a need to be heard, or known even, in fact I dislike standing out in a crowd; but I nonetheless feel I have to write this simply because I am in debt to the Love and Logic [class] taught here. My life, and more importantly, the relationship I share with my son has been enriched beyond words due to this program, and that's why I felt I needed to share this story.
I spent most of my life wanting to stay a child and not have one, I was in and out of jail in middle and high school, I drank, I smoke, I did drugs, and I swore I would never be a parent. Then one day I met a young lady and convinced her to go on a date with me, and after a few months we were in love, but I was still drinking and partying just as much, until the day she told me she was pregnant. I was mad, and resistant but made the commitment to grudgingly get a job and stop the partying. I made the full-hearted commitment to do everything I possibly could to give him a better life.
I enrolled in college, and I worked hard and received promotions at my work until I was the manager of the store. I poured myself into my studies and making into money. Due to this, my relationship with my son consisted of yelling at him when he did something wrong, telling him goodbye in the morning when I left for school, and telling him to go away because "daddy was doing homework," or "working on schedules for work."
Fast forward almost 4 years, I graduated college just recently and also coincidentally lost my job. I had free time and savings to live off of, so I thought I would use this time to finally hangout with my son…but he wanted nothing to do with me.
I started taking the Love and Logic classes simply because my case manager told me it would be a good way to learn how to be a better father, I wanted my son to love me as much as I loved him. I started out the first week writing everything down frantically and studying notes as if I was back in college. I did slowly start using the techniques with my son. After week two I was no longer yelling at him and he was less resistant to spending time with me.
Then came week three, by this time my son was ok with being around me but still seemed to like his mom better, so I started taking him out places, for "father and son time." I took him to the aquarium and Discovery Center to learn about science. I took him to the park to teach him to fly a kite, and I took him to the lake to learn how to fish. During his first fishing trip at the end of the third week my son put his fishing rod down and hugged my waist, he looked up at me and told me he loved me and that he was glad I was his daddy. If I hadn't been in a public place I would have cried right there.
Now my son and I have a wonderful relationship and he tells me he loves me all the time, we play board games and learn new things almost every day, and I try to take him fishing at least once a week. Thank you for this class and all it had done for me. It doesn't seem like a life changing program or a massive revolution in thinking but it is, and it creates such a refreshing and loving way to interface with your child.
Thank you for everything you have done for me and my family, I can never repay your for what you have given me.
A Grateful Father
So some time ago I gave some Love and Logic information/advice to a lady at the store to help with her troubled adopted son. I saw her today while getting a money order and she said "I think about you all the time. I took your advice from Love and Logic and my son has completely changed! He is a new boy!" She thanked me and she looked so happy. Made my day!! I wanted you to know that I appreciate all the information you provide.
Once again I have to say thank you for Love and Logic! We were really struggling with our 14 year old son and his gaming time. And so (mostly out of frustration one day) we took the computer away from our son. We didn't know what we were going to do in that moment when we took it away but we said we'll get back to you on what it will take to get it back. After thinking about it, we told him that we paid for the computer and therefore we owned it. We were now like the library. He was required to check out his laptop for any and all purposes: homework and gaming. Homework could be checked out for unlimited time. Gaming time had to be earned. He asked "how do I earn time?" I said rather than being paid for chores, he could bank his gaming time. Homework would count for 1 hour towards gaming per day. Anything beyond that had to be earned. Given his friends like to gather on Friday and Saturday nights online, he knew he needed to bank time during the week. And suddenly my recluse son was around asking what he could do to earn time. We couldn't believe the almost instant transformation. And it has lasted. He now makes dinner one or two nights per week. He worked on music for his sister's talent show. He even washed all the bedding one weekend. He's explained his challenges to his teachers - who said "brilliant". Other kids have told their parents what their evil friend's parents did and they have adopted similar rules. It goes to show you that thoughtfulness outweighs emotional response and frustration every time. Thank you for providing that sense of reason and purpose. Looking forward to seeing Jim in Walled Lake, MI this weekend as it's time for a "refresher" to remember why this is so important.
Walled Lake, MI
I just read your newsletter article 'You can't make people mad and sell them something at the same time'. I can relate to what Jennifer said about her husband. I can also testify to the power of your advice to her: When our granddaughter was diagnosed with ADHD, my daughter and I went to a Love and Logic seminar. We came home armed with so much information we couldn't imagine anyone not wanting to learn everything we did. I tried sharing materials, anecdotes and ideas with my husband. But it just wasn't his 'thing'. So I stopped trying to sell him, but continued my relationship with my granddaughter using all the great things I learned.
Last year, after he had told me for the 3rd time how amazed he was at how easily I handled her and how great a relationship I had with her, I told him. "I kid you not, everything I do comes from Love and Logic." "I don't know why," I said, "it just has always seemed to work with her." The next week I forwarded him one of the weekly email tips. The week after that, he had signed up for them on his own.
I attended Jim Fay's evening lecture last Monday evening in Fort Collins. I was lucky enough to win a free L&L Magic CD, which I received last week. Thank you! Also, I wanted to tell Mr. Fay something after the class, but I didn't have the time to stand in line. Many times throughout the evening, Mr. Fay told us, "Your parents are raising your kids, through YOUR mouth!" I'm lucky enough to say that I was raised by parents who were one of the first people to take Cline and Fay's classes in Boulder during the late 70s. My parents think they took the classes in 1978, shortly before my birth. So, I can only hope that my parents are raising my kids through my mouth! My parents actually were babysitting our boys while my husband and I attended the class last Monday. When we got home and started talking to them, they both proceeded to tell us all the anecdotal stories they remembered from over 35 years ago. Can you believe they still remember all those? So, thankfully L&L has been around long enough, now, that we've come full circle. Mr. Fay will have to be careful in his lectures because some parents in his audience quite possibly may have been raised in households practicing Love and Logic techniques! Thanks again for our free gift! I'm sure we'll put it to good use as we learn to better parents our boys.
Ft. Collins, CO
Thank you so much for your way of discipline! I've been teaching for almost 20 years and this is the first time I don't go home angry, frustrated and completely drained. If you truly understand and implement this consistently it will change your kids at school and home and change your life. Once you truly understand the logic behind this way of teaching/parenting it becomes second nature. Thank you again!
I just wanted to thank you for such a wonderful program. We took the class when our daughter was a toddler, and have recently taken it again now that she is older and our son is a preschooler. We learned so much the first time, but were mainly focusing on the early childhood group and wanted to learn more. I have found that each time I listen, I hear something new that I can implement.
One thing that we have always struggled with is bedtime. We have since stopped calling it bedtime, and now call it bedroom time. They have a timer that allows them to have a specific amount of time to choose in which order they get ready for bed. Then we give options such as blankets on or off, lights on or off, 1/4 full water bottles or none, etc. The only rules are that they have to stay on the bed and they cannot be heard by the other kiddo or parents, but they can stay awake for as long as they want. It has worked like a charm! We no longer spend hours putting them to bed. Hallelujah! Last night, they even said that they were thinking of going to sleep right away because they were so tired!! Thanks again for your wonderful insights!!
I would like to say a big thank you to all at Love and Logic, for a great two and a half days at the Facilitator Training conference this week. You all worked so hard and were always bright, cheery, welcoming and helpful. I previously read several Love and Logic books and watched the DVDs in the facilitator pack, so I wasn't sure if I'd gain anything further from the conference. I am so glad I came – every minute of every day was superb. The added context gave me many 'light bulb' moments. I've learned so much and I can't wait to get back to the UK and start running the programme.
I'm babysitting my 20 month old granddaughter today while her Mum and Dad have a much needed day out together. Just as they were leaving, she decided to throw a tantrum over not being able to grab food out of the fridge. I knew I was being watched (which made me so nervous and I was praying like mad that I'd get this right) as I said "Uh-Oh" and picked her up and took her up to her bedroom and into her crib, telling her "Oh that's so sad", along the way. She fussed a little, but not as much as I expected and nowhere near as long as I feared. Then I picked her up a little while later, with a big smile and kiss and she has been a happy, well behaved delight all morning (she's having her lunch time nap now). I was so thrilled and relieved and it's given me the confidence I need to follow through the next time I need to.
Parent, Facilitator of Love and Logic curriculum
My stepson's mother sent me the book, Parenting Teens with Love and Logic, last week. I (VERY skeptically) picked it up this morning in a last ditch effort to win a chore battle with my stepdaughter. I can't put it down, and have already purchased the first Love and Logic book to start reading. I am a very young mother with small children AND older step children, and this book has become a Godsend almost immediately after opening it. Thank you so much for this contribution to society... My only regret thus far is not having read these books sooner. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, and like everything is going to be 'OK.' This is the closest thing to that holy grail of a 'Parenting Manual' I think anyone will ever get. Thank you again!!!
I am an elementary school guidance counselor and I have been a Love and Logic facilitator for a few years. I was introduced to Love and Logic about 10 years ago and have been raising my children using the Love and Logic methods. While facilitating one of my classes a few years ago, a parent (who knew my children) said that I have really good children and that is why these strategies work, but they were skeptical about the strategies working on more difficult children. I also thought, "well, maybe I did just win the children lottery and got lucky". Of course, every parent thinks their kids are the best and I am no exception!
Here is where it gets interesting: Two years ago as a counselor we had a difficult first grader in my school. This kid would throw chairs across the room, beat up on other kids, lay down on the floor and pout whenever anybody tried to talk or even play games with him. He had zero social skills and he was in foster care. He was suspended more than he was at school. He had been in 7 different foster homes in two years and the group home he was in had just about enough of him. Each foster home had kicked him out due to his extreme behavior. (I guess at home he would get up during the night and break things in the house along with the other violence). His social worker told me he was going to be sent to a hospital long term for his extreme behaviors. I believed this boy could be better.
My husband and I became foster certified and we took him in. I am a guidance counselor, my husband is a teacher, and we are both Love and Logic parents. When this boy first came to us, he tried all the techniques he had tried in his previous homes. However, he learned really quickly how this didn't work for him. We were extremely consistent on natural and logical consequences (in fact we actually had fun thinking of logical consequences). We became HUGE users of enforceable statements and allowing him to make as many small choices as he could. About 6 months after being with us, his social worker could not believe he was the same child! She called him "normal", which was amazing considering she first told us he was 'unadoptable'. He follows almost all instructions at home and is a happy boy. He finally smiles and laughs (and even sings to himself) which he NEVER smiled during the entire first grade. ALL THANKS TO THE STRATEGIES OF LOVE AND LOGIC! When I facilitated my Love and Logic class in the Spring, I had the best parent turn out ever. Many parents who knew this little boy said, "If Love and Logic can make that big of a change for that little boy's behavior, it can definitely make a change in my child!"
This little boy has been with us for one year now and we are planning on him staying with us indefinitely. But I wanted you to know how thankful I am for the Love and Logic program. When we first got him, people said, "All he needs is love". I have no doubt he received LOVE at his prior 7 foster homes, but what he really needed was Love and Logic. I was told by some foster care trainers that there is a high turnover in foster parents. I told them I believe foster parents often just don't know what to do. If I ran the world, all foster parents would receive Love and Logic training as a part of their initial foster parent training. This may have been the longest testimonial, but I want you to know that even after all these years Love and Logic is still making a difference in my home and community. Thank you!
School Counselor, Facilitator of Love and Logic curriculum
Thank you so much for your work! I can't express my gratitude enough. Through love and logic I have been able to overcome some challenges that I literally received because of my parents. When something went wrong growing up, an adult in the house would get really really mad and angry. Because of Love and Logic, I have been able to replace anger with empathy. That was the key that I needed to unlock the door to freedom and happiness, literally a whole new world. Thank you so much!
My 11 year old daughter lost her house key at school and could not find it anywhere. When I got home, I asked her what happened. After her lengthy explanation, I asked her how she was going to solve the problem. She said, "I don't understand your question." I said, "Well, you have a problem. You can't get into the house without a key. What are you going to do about that?" She said, "I guess I can wait outside until you get home." I said, "Yes, that is an option. Would you like to hear what other kids have done?" She agreed, and I told her, "Some kids have to buy a new key. The first key is free but all other keys cost about $3.00 each." She said, "But I don't have a job." I said, "That's true, but some kids do chores to earn the money for the key." I was going to offer the choice of selling something, but she rushed to do some extra chores, one chore per dollar. The next thing I knew, she was on her hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor!! She still had 2 more to do, but she wanted that new key so she doesn't have to wait in that hot Texas sun for me to get home! All I could do is say, "WOW!" Love and Logic is simply amazing!!
Having two children in different schools is difficult, however with one being an Indigo Boy (Aspergers Syndrome) there are no other soluble options. What Love & Logic does is create a bridge bringing our entire family together where we can have common goals in not only getting along, but understanding each other. This program is priceless.
Story: Since attending the Administrators & Counselors workshop back in 2008, I have watched as this basic philosophy has transformed both students and program. Here at the Awareness Center 4 Excellence, we have been able to go from a logical discipline program to a self-directed self-discipline program.
L&L has become the gateway to this transformation. The majority of students and families who participate in our school come from the traditional form of education that relys heavily on a structured discipline system.
It is hard for most people to envision a learning environment without a discipline system with all the do's and don'ts spelled out. When we intitiated L&L, the results were immediate and sustained. We found the results so compelling that we began to ask ourselves if the practice of self-discipline could be offered as an alternative.
It was wonderful to find that by using L&L as a basis of introduction to our program, it was easier for students and instructors to grasp the concept of learning with the use of self-discipline. Students found it much easier to stay engaged in their learning when they saw everyone around them practicing self-discpiline, including the teacher.
When there was a mis-cue in behavior (there always is :)), it was easy to use logical steps to remind students of the importance of practicing self-discipline and to assure them that the effects of a poor choice was merely a concequence of that poor choice and not a punishment being administered by another person. The student was able to take ownership of thier actions with more maturity and able to engage in active learning from the expereince. This has led to greater transfer of the knowledge gained from these mis-cues as the student is able to apply lessons learned more quickly and effectively. Thank you L&L for this precious gift.
Lawrence N., M.Ed.
Love and Logic has given me the tools I needed to fulfill my role as a parent of two boys! Thanks to these simple strategies, I've been able to relax and enjoy my evenings with my kids! All information here is helpful and highlights our personalities to become more motivated to teach our children to be responsible.
We are fortunate to work in a tightknit community with involved teachers, students and parents. Bringing Love and Logic to our school has helped continue our growth towards strong, positive relationships with everyone involved. Last year we begin offering courses for our parents and the response was overwhelmingly positive! We cannot get materials and opportunities to learn more, out fast enough to our community. I look forward to our continued growth and future success with the help of Love and Logic techniques.
Assistant Principal - Liberty High School
I read "Love and Logic for Early Childhood" when my first daughter was eight months old. A few months later, she threw her first temper tantrum in public. People turned to stare, but on the inside, I just smiled. After all, I'd read Love and Logic, so I knew exactly what to do! I sat my daughter firmly in the shopping cart, and said in a lighthearted tone, "Oh, are you throwing your first temper tantrum? Not your best work, kiddo." Then I proceeded to utterly ignore her while keeping my expression totally unconcerned. The tantrum lasted less than a minute, and the entire time I felt so confident and in-control. My husband said she must have come away wondering what her best work is! I was so glad that I read your curriculum early enough that I knew exactly how to deal with discipline issues like this before they ever came up.
A number of years ago, I asked for your help after my wife suddenly walked out of our lives to marry someone else and I became a single dad in charge of raising two boys, ages 12 and 13. After a rough start, I started following the principles of Parenting with Love and Logic and the results were great. Now, 10 years later, I am happy to report to you that one of my sons graduated from the US Air Force Academy and is now in pilot training. My other son served in the US Marine Corps and is now a supervisor for a major wireless company. Thanks again for helping shape the lives of my sons, we could not have done it without your program.
Colorado Springs, CO
I love to be the mom who provides snacks and drinks for my kids and their friends. I have a cabinet in my garage that is usually full of drink choices. I just get really irritated when the kids leave the pop cans and juice bottles all over the place. I must admit that even though I am a Love and Logic parent, I tried several other things first. (yelling, threatening, pleading, etc.). One day I decided to use actions rather than words…so while the kids were at school I loaded up my car trunk with all the beverages. The cabinet was left empty. I was away when my kids came home from school and I wish I had a video camera set up as they came in. The funny thing was that no one said anything to me for about two days. Finally, my youngest son asked me what they had to do to get the drinks back. I said that I wasn't sure yet. Then next day he asked again. I said "do you know why they are gone?" He said "cuz we leave the cans and bottles all over the place." I told him he could move the beverages from my car back to the cabinet. I have to say this was the best, most long lasting solution I have ever had. The kids are perfect about picking up the cans and bottles and remind each other to do it. They even remind my husband because they don't want to get blamed for something he did. I did this experiment about 8 years ago and I never have to say anything about it. I just smile whenever I see them taking care of it!
Parent and Educator
I'm a mother of two 4 year old twin boys. I've been struggling with discipline and the fact I share parenting duties with their father, from whom I'm divorced. Add in a recent marriage for me (with step children) and it's a recipe for insanity at our house. I just finished your book this weekend and can already see a difference at our house. The simple act of replacing anger with empathy and giving lots and lots of choices allowed me to reach bedtime without feeling like I'd been run over by a speeding semi truck!!!
Thank you so much for a book filled with great advice. Now I only wish I would have read it a year ago when I bought it!!!! Thanks again!
I have been using Love and Logic for 2 weeks now with my 6 year old. When saying "I love you too much to argue" he replies with "no please argue" and I just smile to myself. He came out of school one day and was upset over my placement in the carpool line and started hitting the car window. I said "you're draining my energy." When we got home he had to do 2 chores in order to replace my energy. He has not repeated the behavior since. It is hard for me to not keep talking, but it is simple and keeps me calmer. Thank you!!
I was introduced to Love and Logic about six months ago when I was at my witts end with my thirteen year old. I was tired of the arguing, fighting, crying, and constant upset in the home. I have to say Love and Logic is a completly different way then I or my husband were raised, but it works. The arguing has minimized and our daughter is starting to understand that her actions are hers to be responsible for. But I too learned something, I learned to let go of control. I have to admit it was scary at first but so liberating and amzing once I did this. Our family is a happier place, and yet not perfect, we are functioning so much better. Thank you Jim for this amazing program.
I have taken Love and Logic classes three times and feel like I have somewhat mastered what a Love and Logic parent should be. The other night before bed, my ten-year-old son said to me, "Mom, I think I just need some discipline. Like, ya know, get down and give me 20 or something." I couldn't help but laugh. I tried to explain that I do discipline him. I reminded him of the situation that happened before he had left for school that morning. I said, "Remember when I was talking to you this morning and you were being a little disrespectful and said you had to leave for school?" He nodded yes. I continued, "Remember when you were going out the door and I said, 'Have a great day honey! What a bummer though. We'll talk when you get home.' You came back in the house very quickly, apologized and said 'Mom, I'm sorry for being disrespectful, but I really do have to leave for school so can we talk when I get home?'" I told him this was discipline because he knew if he didn't fix the situation there would be a consequence when he got home. What is awesome to me is that he still thought he needed some discipline!
I was given a Love and Logic CD when my son was two-years-old and I immediately began to incorporate the concepts. I recall the first time I had a chance to use choices. My son and his playmate decided that jumping on the couch was fun, so I responded, "You and your friend can play on the floor in the living room or in your room." Without a word, the two little buddies went straight to his room to play, no problem. Over the years, some of my favorites included saying the following to get out the door, "The Mommy Bus/Cab is leaving in _____ minutes and I hope you will be in it." Or to get homework done when you ask by saying, "Do you want to do your homework before or after dinner?" And for bedtime, "Do you want to take your bath first or brush your teeth first?" Or, "Do you want mommy to tuck you into bed or would you prefer a story before I turn off the light?"
My son is 12 years old now and homeschooling is going great. Parents, just remember, children will only reach the potential or standard that you expect or set for them. When you decide to only accept a child's efforts that you know are their very best work, attitude and behavior that's what they will give you. Thank you for the opportunity to share.
My family and I went to visit out of state relatives. My brother-in-law and his two daughters went with us. On the way home, we were planning to drop the girls off at their mom's which was two hours out of the way. My husband and I had already driven over half way and we wanted his brother to take a turn. He didn't agree to our plan so to get him to drive, I told him, "My car goes straight home to my house when I drive. When I drive, I don't know how to get to anyone else's house." After several minutes of stewing, I overheard him tell my husband, "I don't have a problem driving."
When my three foster children arrived, they were bouncing off the walls. I had no relationship with them, no leverage. I read your book over and over. I kept it in my purse. Their behaviors were always unexpected and often shocking - without the one-liners in the book, I don't know what I would have said or done. It took us about six months to see results using Love and Logic. It was either six months of feeling like I knew what I was doing (with results to show for all of my hard work), versus not having a plan of what to do with probably few, if any, good results. I recommend this book to foster families and suggest that it will make the first six months of transition much easier.
Love and Logic has given me the skills, knowledge and confidence to guide my son through toddlerhood and raise a healthy, happy and responsible child with a strong character base. Although I am lucky that my son is a mild mannered and sweet child, I now have the confidence that I will get him through some more difficult years ahead. I truly recommend Love and Logic to all parents, even before they have any behavior issues.
I started with Love and Logic when my older sister gave me the CD's for early childhood when I had my first daughter. When I was in the car, I would listen to the CD's, which were pretty interesting and quite humorous. I started using the techniques with Charlotte during the infant years. It worked so well in situations where she would drop her sippy cup, play with her food, and throw her food. It did not take long for those behaviors to stop, using the Love and Logic techniques. During the toddler years, the Love and Logic methods worked even better for things like cleaning up, teaching manners, speaking and asking for things using nice voices, sharing, brushing teeth, getting ready for bedtime, getting dressed, sitting down to eat, and so forth. Charlotte and Jessica are 17 months apart. When they play together, they actually use Love and Logic with each other. My girls are now three and four-years-old. They LOVE to make choices and are so independent. Of course, those choices are ones that I'm okay with either way, right? Anyway, I have been a Love and Logic parent for four years now and hands down, it was, is and will continue to be the best gift I was given as a mother and that I will continue to give to my children and their children. Yes, I am a FAN!!! Thank you!
I purchased the CD "Quick and Easy Classroom Interventions" at the beginning of the year and finally got around to listening to it. I applied some of the techniques to a student who experiences meltdowns constantly. It really worked! At first, when the child walked in and didn't get her way, she threw her stuff on the floor one thing at a time. At first I was frustrated and thought here we go again. Then, I went up and whispered in her ear, "Is this a good time for this?" She cried under the table. I went under the table and whispered, "Just because I care about you, should I let you act like this?" She answered, "No," stopped crying immediately and went back to work. I was so amazed I had to share.
I attended a seminar in the late '90's that Jim Fay did at our local high school. I received a lot of help that day along with a catalog that provided a list of some great comebacks to use when I was at a loss for words. I cut it out and taped it to the cabinet by my kitchen sink so I was ready to go when needed. One of my favorites was, and still is, "I love you too much to argue." My oldest daughter loved verbal combat and that line was my saving grace. There were a few times where she would say, "No, I want to argue with you." I would respond by repeating the mantra Jim had given me.
One time, she was misbehaving in a store and I said, "I love you too much to argue." She replied very loudly, "You are so lame! You can't even come up with your own comebacks." She had me dead on. I didn't know how to respond to that and I knew others were watching how this was going to go down. Jim Fay had not told me how to respond but I could hear his voice in my head saying, "Calmly repeat your mantra." So I did, over and over again. The situation ended there and was discussed calmly later, at home.
My daughter is now 22-years-old and finishing her last semester of college. We were discussing the shopping incident and how funny it is now. She told me, "That stuff really works!" She explained how she and her roommates were discussing a heating bill and it was not going anywhere good. She knew she needed to end it because it was late at night and her two roommates had been drinking. She had not been drinking and things were starting to get heated. She said to them, "I care about our relationship too much to argue about it now." The argument was diffused and was calmly settled the next day.
I laughed until I cried when she told me this story because I can honestly say, she was my most combative child and I knew how she felt about me using Jim's words all those years. She vowed when she was younger she would never be so "lame" to say that. Now she is using Jim Fay's one-liners with positive results and has the ability to admit it to me.
Your books have made my life so much better and my relationship with my three daughters much smoother. Thank you for all you do at Love and Logic and keep up the great work!
Grand Rapids, MI
About two years ago we were invited to a Love and Logic seminar put on by our school. My husband and I had been having a very hard time with our three children and needed a new way of parenting. We thought we would check it out. We didn't hold much hope for help especially because we have a special needs son, but we gave it a try. Within the first five minutes we were blown away by the concept. That very night we went home and made energy drain charts and started to discipline. It took about three months, but the turn-around in behavior was unmistakable! They are so much better behaved, make great choices, are helping around the house, and are even doing better in school! The biggest turn-around is with our special needs son who has not had a behavioral problem at school in the last year and a half. We could not be happier! And we don't miss our "I hate parenting" days at all! I tell everyone who will listen about this wonderful program!
We have four children: a 9 year old, 4 year old, 3 year old, and 9 month old. We have only been doing Love and Logic for a couple of months but it has literally begun to transform our home. We were at our wits end with our 3 year old because he would not stay in his bed or room for nap time or bedtime. We were totally stressed out. Our kids were running the household and keeping up with their behavior was exhausting. I wish we had found Love and Logic sooner because it would have saved us so much stress and anxiety. We have slowly been integrating the techniques and our 3 year old now goes to bed at nap time and bedtime with no problem. Our relationship with our 9year old has improved as well because he gets a say now instead of just always being told what to do. It has also helped him to be more responsible and it is less exhausting for me and my husband because we no longer feel like we have to solve all his problems. My husband and I joke that if you had an infomercial we would be the perfect family! I tell other families all the time about Love and Logic. I only wish someone had told me sooner!!
We have two boys, ages 10 and 11. We have been using Love and Logic for seven years and I am now a facilitator. We are forever grateful for the wonder this program has brought to our family. Life is just easy.
This morning, my husband and I had to leave the house by 7:30 a.m. for a conference with our 10 year old's teacher. Our kids ride their bikes to school and we informed them that we would like them to ride together. We then told our oldest son that if his brother wasn't ready by 7:55 a.m., he was free to leave without him. Hearing this, our always "bit of a dilly-dally" younger son bolted to his room to get dressed. My husband and I were giggling as we walked to the car and my husband said, "It's just too easy!" It's amazing what we can accomplish when we don't tell them what to do.
Fleming Island, FL
Parent, Facilitator of Love and Logic curriculum
I took a two month Love and Logic parenting class offered through my son's school. I was looking for ideas to help me with parenting. It came in handy!! When my son was 11 years old, he was the captain of his youth group. They were on their way to represent their youth group at a big convention in the capital city. The night before, I asked him if his uniform was ready. He quickly responded "yes." I left it at that. The next morning it was almost time to leave. I gave a five minute warning and he quickly bolted out of his room franticly looking for parts of his uniform. We had to pick up another child, so I casually walked out to the car and waited the five minutes. I started to back out of the drive way when time was up, and he ran out to meet us. His uniform was not ironed, he didn't have the proper shoes, and he was missing his badge. I did not nag or belittle him. When I picked up the other child, I commented on how nicely ironed her uniform was and how well put together she was. When he got to the church, all of his youth group, as well as the leader, commented on his disheveled look. The leader questioned me and I commented "he is responsible for his own dressing." The leader understood. With the embarrassment and personal disappointment my son experienced, he never represented himself in such a manner again. I am a single mother and a teacher. I also have 15 nieces and nephews. This model of discipline is the most logical and successful way I have found.
Parent and Educator
We have found Love and Logic to be a great tool to help raise our grandchildren. It takes a lot of effort to remember the techniques sometimes, but we know it is paying off.
Several years ago, my 9 year old grandson was acting up in church. I took him out to the car to get settled down and I told him he was using up my energy that he could pay back when we got home. At home we went out to the backyard to clean up dog poop to get my energy back. After the first scoop into the shovel, he said "Grandpa, I'm allergic to dog poop and avocados; they make me want to puke". I told him that was really sad and we continued to pick up some more. After awhile, I told him my energy was back and that I loved him. He, his brother, and sister know not to do something that makes them go clean up the yard.
The other thing I have done is give them choices at mealtime for cup colors, milk or water, and how much. I have decided that Love and Logic is a great tool to teach math. Way before they hear it in school, they will know about fractions, like 1/3 or 2/3 and tenths as we ask them how much they want in their glass.
Finally, we just saw a niece who has a 2 1/2 year old daughter, with a mind of her own, and a brand new baby in the house. The niece commented that kids don't come with an instruction book. I asked her if she has ever heard of Love and Logic and she hadn't. I plan to get her and all my nephews and nieces with kids a CD to introduce them to Love and Logic. I believe it will change their lives.
After starting Love and Logic when my kids were a little older and doing it for five years, people comment that my now 16 and 19 year old kids are weird. They get along, are helpful, responsive, obedient, responsible, etc. (for the most part). It took about one year to really see the results and has been lovely ever since. I am sooo very grateful for Love and Logic. I'm a single mother too and it has made my life so much easier.