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Love and Logic Blog

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Why You Don’t Need A List of Perfect Consequences - Jim Fay

 

Have you ever thought to yourself, “There has got to be a logical consequence for every one of my kid’s misdeeds? The experts must be hiding the list somewhere.”
 
It might make you feel better to know that there is often no logical consequence available. Or, if there is one, its effect won’t show up for several years. Racking our brain to find a consequence usually means that a logical consequence is not available.

We often reject the best consequence.

We often recognize the correct consequence in a split second. Then we tend to reject it in hopes of finding something that will teach the lesson in a gentler way.
 
When a parent thinks, “Oh, I don’t want him to get a lower grade,” that’s the correct consequence. When a parent thinks, “Oh, I don’t want her to have to pay for that cell phone bill,” that is the correct consequence. When a parent thinks, “Oh, I don’t want him to have to…,” then that is the right consequence.

Sometimes there is no logical consequence available.

If the words, “Oh, I don’t want…,” just don’t come to mind, don’t waste time looking for a logical consequence. You have just recognized that there is probably no reasonable consequence. This is the time to apply the Love and Logic generic consequence, known as the Energy Drain.
 
Parents who learn to use the Energy Drain technique don’t need a list of consequences. They simply use the technique as a generic consequence. Kids can make a logical connection between their deeds and the need to make restitution.
 
An example would be: “Son, you lied to me about turning in your homework. Worrying about lying drains my energy. I think you can restore that energy by raking the lawn for me on Saturday. Thanks.”
 
Master the Energy Drain technique. If you haven’t listened to the audio, Love and Logic Magic When Kids Drain Your Energy, order it today and take the stress out of trying to figure out what to do.

 

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