Parents naturally want to encourage their kids and help them develop a positive self-image. When kids succeed, it can be tempting to respond with praise such as, “Great job!” or “I’m so proud of you!” However, the constant use of praise can sometimes create problems.
Constant praise for everything our kids do can make it difficult for them to know what they have done that is truly exceptional. It can also leave them wondering whether the praise is sincere. In addition, praise usually focuses on results rather than the effort or perseverance demonstrated.
Notice and Describe Instead of Praising
Noticing and describing kids’ efforts without judging them supports their own sense of accomplishment and helps build a healthy self-concept. Here are some common ways parents praise their kids, along with alternatives that simply notice or describe what they accomplished:
Praise: “You are a great student!”
Notice/Describe: “You got eight out of ten correct.”
Praise: “I really like that paper!”
Notice/Describe: “I bet you worked hard on this one.”
Praise: “I’m so proud of the way you worked in school!”
Notice/Describe: “Wow, five out of five! I bet that feels great!”
Kids get the most from what they accomplish for themselves. Parents can support them by noticing what they accomplish and offering encouragement as they work through challenging tasks.
The way we respond to kids’ successes can have a lasting impact on how they see themselves. In our audio, Shaping Self-Concept, learn how to help kids develop confidence and resilience, take healthy risks, and learn from setbacks.
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