In last week’s blog, Charles shared the Love and Logic philosophy about how to handle bullying. He also reminded readers that there are times when parents must intervene. This week, we will look at an example of how to handle situations when intervention is advisable.
Jill and Harry were stumped. How could they help their son Will? They were not only heartbroken to know that their son was being bullied, but also confused about how to help him with the bullying and whether they should intervene. They believed that the very serious nature of the bullying might require intervention of some sort.
Jill wanted to involve the school principal, and possibly the police, while Harry kept reminding her that their Love and Logic class teaches taught the importance of kids solving their own problems.
Love and Logic is not a black and white theory or cookbook process for raising children. I often kid with parents and teachers that even though the use of common sense is not on the “List of State Approved Programs,” it still comes in handy when dealing with kids.
Yes, I agree that it’s best for kids to solve their own problems, whenever possible. And yes, I agree that sometimes we step in when the load might be a little too heavy for them to handle. However, life is not an either/or proposition, and neither is Love and Logic.
If I were in Jill and Harry’s shoes, I’d want to teach Will some techniques for standing up to the bully while at the same time putting the school and the authorities on notice to handle their end of the problem. I’d meet with the school personnel without Will’s knowledge, if possible.
When talking with the school personnel, I’d want to emphasize the importance of working with Will to help him develop new skills as well as asking that our meeting be confidential. I’d like Will to believe that a large part of the solution is in his hands.
A healthy self-concept is very important for helping kids deal with bullies. My audio, Shaping Self-Concept: Encouraging Kids to Take Risks and Learn, provides guidance on how to help your kids develop a healthy self-concept.
Thanks for reading!