Many parents try to set limits with their kids by using unenforceable statements. Although these might seem like a good idea at the time, unenforceable statements usually do not result in the desired outcome and instead create more frustration for the parent.
At Love and Logic, we have created some guidelines to help parents understand the difference between unenforceable statements and enforceable statements. Here are some examples of how to turn your words into gold. Remember that to be truly effective, the enforceable statement must be delivered with empathy!
Ineffective Technique: Don’t shout at me!
Love and Logic Technique: I listen to people who do not yell at me.
Ineffective Technique: Clean your room so we can go shopping.
Love and Logic Technique: I’ll be happy to take you shopping after your room is clean.
Ineffective Technique: Pay attention!
Love and Logic Technique: I listen to people who do not yell at me.
Ineffective Technique: You’re not going out without your coat.
Love and Logic Technique: You may go out as soon as you have your coat.
Ineffective Technique: Stop arguing with me!
Love and Logic Technique: I’ll be glad to discuss this with you as soon as the arguing stops.
Here is the link to our Turn Your Words into Gold table (PDF), which contains more examples like these. Also, our audio Keeping Cool When Parenting Heats Up provides more insight on using effective techniques rather than ineffective techniques.
Thanks for reading!
