Many young people grow up lacking the skills to face life’s challenges and end up making poor decisions. As parents and educators, we naturally want them to grow into adults who can solve problems and make wise decisions.
If we constantly rescue them or solve their problems for them, they miss out on valuable learning opportunities. These experiences are essential for developing resilience and critical decision-making skills. Love and Logic’s parenting programs and classroom management strategies help parents and teachers guide kids to take responsibility for the problems they create—while strengthening the love and respect kids feel for them.
How Can We Help Kids Make Good Decisions?
When a child causes a problem, Love and Logic teaches that adults should hand the problem back to the child in loving ways. This can be done in five simple steps.
Step 1 – Provide a Strong and Sincere Dose of Empathy
This is the most important step because without empathy, the child cannot stay calm enough to solve the problem and learn from it. Kids can’t solve problems when they feel defensive or afraid. Try saying:
- “Oh no… That’s a tough spot.”
- “I can tell this really bothers you.”
- “How sad.”
Step 2 – Hand the Problem Back
After showing that you care, gently hand the problem back by asking:
- “What do you think you might do to solve this problem?”
Don’t be surprised if the child responds with, “I don’t know.”
Step 3 – Ask Permission to Share What ‘Some Kids’ Have Tried
Before offering any suggestions, ask:
- “Would you like to hear what some other kids have tried?”
If the child is open to suggestions, then offer a variety of choices ranging from poor to good. It’s best to start out with poor choices because kids will often dismiss the first choices regardless of merit.
Step 4 – Suggest Two or Three Alternatives for Solving the Problem
When suggesting alternatives, avoid resistance by leading with:
- “Some kids decide to ____________________________”
After each suggestion, ask:
- “How would that work for you?”
Step 5 – Allow the Child to Solve or Not Solve the Problem
Resist the urge to tell the child which option to pick. End the session by expressing your faith in them and say:
- “Good luck! Let me know how it goes.”
Have no fear if they make a poor choice. Making mistakes is part of learning how to make good decisions!
Can These Steps Work When There Is Sibling Rivalry?
Absolutely. These same steps are powerful when applied to sibling squabbles. Guiding each child to take ownership of their part in the conflict builds stronger problem-solving skills and reduces your need to referee every dispute.
Conclusion
Whether it’s facing life’s challenges or solving a homework problem, parents and teachers can play an important role in helping kids think for themselves and solve their own problems. For more tips on how to help kids solve their own problems, listen to our audio: Teaching Kids to Think and Solve Problems.
Thanks for reading!
