Patience has become a scarce commodity in our fast-paced, stressful world. During stressful times, patience often goes into hiding. It gets lost in the shadows. As our minds try to wrap themselves around a world turned upside down, we begin to lose sight of what it means to love others and ourselves.
Unfortunately, patience becomes more valuable, and more difficult to provide just when we need it the most. If we’re at risk of losing our patience, how can we increase our ability to hold on to it for the sake of our loved ones, especially for the sake of our kids?
Set Limits with Others and with Ourselves
When we stretch ourselves too thin, resentment builds, leaving little energy to give. Setting healthy boundaries helps us remain loving and patient. With kids, this might sound like:
- “I’ll be happy to help you when I see you’ve already tried to solve it yourself.”
- “I’ll listen when your voice sounds calm like mine.”
- “I allow kids to keep the toys they pick up.”
Keep in mind that setting limits with ourselves is also part of taking good care of ourselves. When we demand too much from ourselves, we tend to do the same with others. Unrealistic expectations can lead to frustration, and frustration erodes patience. Ask yourself:
Would I feel okay treating others the way I am treating myself?
Taking care of ourselves isn’t selfish—it’s essential for cultivating patience.
Patience is more than a coping skill. It’s also the foundation for true love. When we slow down, set limits, and extend grace, we create space for relationships to thrive. And in the long run, true love—not quick fixes, punishments, or rewards—becomes the key to building healthy connections.
Why True Love Matters in Relationships
Over decades of observing parents and educators, we have seen abundant proof that anger, threats, and lectures almost always backfire. Even well-meaning systems of rewards and consequences fall short. Sometimes they work—for a while. Most who try these systems are eventually perplexed by why many of these kids acted worse as a result.
In our experience, the only thing that works is a healthy relationship based on true love. Relationships between adults and kids based on true love are characterized by:
- Someone who believes in them when they don’t believe in themselves.
- Authority figures who are powerful in soft-spoken, gentle, and positive ways.
- Caring eye contact, smiles, and touch.
- Opportunities to make mistakes, to experience reasonable consequences, and to see that we continue to love them unconditionally.
- A healthy sense of control, feelings of belonging, and success experiences leading to real self-esteem.
Building Lasting Bonds
Patience and true love go hand in hand. Patience allows us to pause rather than react. That pause gives love the room it needs to work. When adults lead with patience, true love, and empathy, they will help their children develop resilience, responsibility, and a stronger sense of self.
The same is true in all our relationships. Patience keeps us grounded, while true love builds trust. Together, they form the bedrock of healthier, more fulfilling connections.
Our audio, Keeping Cool When Parenting Heats Up, contains timeless tips on how to maintain your calm, set consistent limits, and reduce stress in your life so that you can respond with patience and true love.
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