By now this school year, grades have started to appear. If your kids are bringing home disappointing grades, it’s normal to feel upset and respond with frustration, lectures, or anger.
The best way to handle poor grades isn’t through lectures or punishment, it’s by inspiring kids to learn. When kids develop a love of learning, they naturally become motivated, confident, and capable of improving their grades on their own.
Shift the Focus from Grades to Growth
Parents often take their child’s academic struggles personally. Remember that responsibility for learning belongs to the child. Encourage and guide your child, but don’t do the learning for them. Keep these points in mind:
- Parents cannot do the learning for their children.
- Many highly accomplished individuals faced academic challenges during their youth.
- Always, always respond either genuine empathy and understanding.
Respond with Empathy, Not Anger
When your child brings home disappointing grades, respond with empathy instead of anger. Instead of saying, “These grades are unacceptable!”, say, “I bet these grades are really disappointing for you. Please let me know if I can help in any way. Remember, this doesn’t change the way I feel about you!” This approach teaches responsibility, builds emotional safety, and shows your child that mistakes are part of learning—not a measure of their worth.
Creating a Positive Learning Environment at Home
There’s nothing wrong with parents providing help if kids do their own homework. It is natural for parents to care about their children’s homework, but they should follow some basic guidelines so that they can help in productive ways and avoid common pitfalls. Here are some examples.
Guidelines for Productive Homework Help
- Provide help only if your child wants it from you. Parents should not force help on their kids without giving them the option to decline the help. They must have a sense of control over their work.
- Help only when you know your child is listening to their teacher. Kids sometimes do not pay attention in class and rely on getting help from their parents at home. Ask your child how the teacher described the homework and how it should be done.
- Help only as long as there is no frustration or anger. Create an atmosphere that will develop and maintain positive feelings about learning. Anger and frustration will destroy this atmosphere and interfere with learning and your relationship with your child.
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Provide help in short segments to allow them to see themselves succeed. If parents always sit with their kids while they do their homework, kids will believe that they can only succeed when their parents are beside them. Give guidance but move away and let your kids work on their own and discover solutions on their own.
Motivate Kids by Celebrating Effort, Not Just Results
To inspire kids to learn, focus on effort and progress instead of results. When you see your child succeed say, “How did you do that?” This helps them connect success to their actions and effort. You can ask:
- “Were you working hard?”
- “Did you try a new approach?”
- “What do you think made that work so well?”
Helping kids with academic performance isn’t about fixing homework, it’s about inspiring the love of learning. My book, From Bad Grades to a Great Life: Unlocking the Mystery of Achievement for Your Child, provides many helpful insights and approaches for instilling the love of learning in your kids.
Thanks for reading!
