Every New Year’s Holiday brings renewed focus New Year’s resolutions, usually thought of as an opportunity for personal growth. Parents and educators sometimes include resolutions about how they want to make changes with the children in their lives. Over the years, we have seen many parents and teachers with great intentions go overboard trying to make these changes.
When Trying Too Hard Backfires
Are you trying too hard to change? When we try too hard, our brains become stressed. When our brains are stressed, we go into survival mode rather than growth mode. When we’re stuck in survival mode, we fall back into old patterns. When we fall back into old patterns, we get upset with ourselves. When we get upset with ourselves, our brains drive us deeper into survival mode. All of this unfolds as a vicious cycle of frustration and discouragement.
Is it okay to give yourself a break? Try an experiment for a week or two. See what happens when you step back and try the following recommendations.
Five Ways to Create Change Without Stress
1. Trust that your brain is learning even when you aren’t conscious of it.
For decades people have told me, “What helped me most was to listen to the same Love and Logic audio repeatedly without trying to learn any of it. After about six repetitions, I found myself implementing the concepts without trying.”
2. Learn in small, manageable chunks.
Give yourself permission to focus on one skill or concept at a time.
3. Relax and imagine success.
Mentally rehearsing and visualizing success are powerful strategies for many people. At least once a day, breathe deeply, get relaxed, and imagine that you are using the skill or concept you’ve chosen to work on.
4. Focus on what you want to do, not what you don’t want to do.
Instead of repeatedly thinking something like, “I’m not going to lose my temper today,” experiment with, “Today I’m going to delay the consequence when I feel anger coming on.”
5. Develop a mental anchor around the change you want to make.
Mental anchors are short sayings to memorize and fall back on when we find ourselves tempted to backslide. Love and Logic materials are full of them. Examples include:
- Anger and frustration feed misbehavior.
- Hope and pray for mistakes when the price tag is small.
- Kids will come to need the same number of reminders that they are given.
- The more words I use when things are going wrong, the less effective I become.
A Gentle Resolution for the New Year
Perhaps a great resolution for this New Year is to step back, relax, and visualize strategies for positive outcomes with the children in your life.
Recommended Love and Logic Audios
For educators, I recommend listening to the audio, Quick and Easy Classroom Interventions. The audio, Helicopters, Drill Sergeants and Consultants, is very helpful for parents. Listening to Love and Logic audios at least six times is the best way to bring about real change.
Thanks for reading!
