A significant number of the calls we receive come from grandparents seeking advice about their grandchildren. Some are helping their own adult children with parenting challenges, while others are raising their grandchildren themselves. In fact, according to recent U.S. census data, more than 7 million American grandparents have grandchildren under age 18 living with them.
These grandparents usually call us seeking advice about how they can use the principles and techniques of Love and Logic. Some grandparents have had previous experience with Love and Logic, but many are new to our approach. We have found that grandparents can benefit by using Love and Logic to help them raise their grandkids to be responsible, respectful, and resilient adults. We believe that using Love and Logic with these kids is especially important because of the challenging situations they have experienced.
The Tendency Toward Helicopter Grandparenting
Many grandparents, just like many parents, tend to be Helicopter grandparents. They are eager to swoop in to rescue their grandchildren. This behavior is ultimately based on their love for their grandchildren, but rescuing by parents or grandparents is not always beneficial in the long run for any child.
There are many problems that children face, including getting to school on time, being hassled by other kids, keeping their grades up, feeling lazy, and making poor choices of friends, just to name a few. These problems often involve conflicts between the child and others, or between the child and herself or himself. They are also very tempting situations for rescuing by a loving grandparent.
Grandparents who intervene or rescue with these sorts of problems often think that they are showing their love for the grandchild. However, it is important to understand that when we fix things for our kids, they cannot learn how to fix things on their own. We believe that most of the time children can find their own solutions. If there is a good chance that children can solve their own problems, we should let them.
When Grandparents Become Drill Sergeants
Grandparents can also exhibit Drill Sergeant parenting tendencies, which also stem from their desire to help their grandchildren. Drill Sergeant approaches are characterized by lecturing, issuing orders, and even using an angry or frustrated tone of voice.
These behaviors by parents can affect kids in deleterious ways, and they tend to grow up thinking that they are not able to make responsible decisions on their own.
Using the Consultant Approach with Grandchildren
When a grandchild is facing a difficult situation, grandparents can use Love and Logic’s Consultant parenting approach by handing the problem to the grandchild using the following five steps:
- Show empathy to the grandchild
- Imply that the grandchild is smart enough to find a solution to the problem by asking “How do you think you’re going to handle this?”
- Ask permission to share alternatives
- Help the grandchild look at the possible consequences of the alternatives
- Let the grandchild decide whether to solve or not to solve the problem
Discover Your Parenting Style with Our Parenting Quiz
Grandparents often find themselves wondering when to step in and when to step back. Understanding your natural parenting tendencies can make those decisions much easier. Our new Parenting Quiz can help grandparents, as well as parents, identify their parenting style and see how it may influence the way they respond to challenges with their grandchildren.
If you would like to explore these parenting styles in greater depth, our audio Helicopters, Drill Sergeants and Consultants explains how each style impacts children and how the Love and Logic Consultant approach helps kids grow into responsible, respectful decision makers.
And this week is a great time to explore these resources, because our Spring Sale includes 20% off all Love and Logic products on our website.
Thanks for reading!
