This week a dad called about his teenage son. Because of sudden changes in his son’s behavior, the dad was worried that he had failed as a parent, even though he had been using Love and Logic techniques for years.
If you’re tormented by self-doubt, constantly worried about how you’re raising your teen, and often wonder why it’s so difficult to be a parent, you’re not alone! You might recognize yourself in the following descriptions.
5 Truths Every Parent of a Teen Needs to Remember
1. Parents of Teens Can Feel Inadequate
Many of us experience self-doubt and seriously question our ability to parent. We ask, “Am I too critical?” or “Am I strict enough?”
Parents are hard on themselves because they find that what worked when their teens were youngsters no longer applies! Although a certain amount of self-doubt is normal, we shouldn’t go so far as to think we’re “bad” parents. It is normal for the parent-child relationship to undergo changes through the teenage years.
2. Parents Feel a Loss of Control
When teenagers do things we can’t stop, we feel a loss of control. It helps to ask, “Were we meant to control our children?” Teens, in particular, need free will. But many parents clamp down harder on their children as they grow older. The more we focus on behaviors beyond our control, the more problems we encounter. This can spiral into endless power struggles.
The more we act as consultant parents, asking questions instead of giving orders, the less resistance we will see from our teens.
3. Parents of Teens Often Feel Guilty
Guilt is a common feeling when our adolescents don’t turn out the way we think they should. We spend a lot of time worrying about what others think of our ability as parents. Instead of worrying about what others think, go with the flow and do what you think is best!
4. Parents Have a Strong Desire to Enforce Tighter Rules
When teens start to become more independent, our natural tendency is to make more rules. But as they grow older, there should be fewer, not more rules.
The last few years that a teenager is living at home should be a practice period for living in the real world. And that means fewer rules and more negotiation on what both parents and teens can live with.
5. Parents Feel a Sense of Failure
So often we feel like we’re failing. Do our kids help us feel this way? You bet they do! They let us know (and never let us forget) our weaknesses as parents. They are quick to remind us that all the other parents are doing a much better job!
But raising teens is a time of “goof and grow.” We learn the hard way and make lots of mistakes. We shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves—no matter what our teens tell us!
If your teen’s defiance has become a daily struggle, our new audio, Defiance: What Really Works, provides practical Love and Logic strategies for responding calmly, reducing power struggles, and helping your kids learn from their choices.
Thanks for reading!
