Grandparents often ask us how they can use Love and Logic with their grandkids. The relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is much different than that between parents and their kids. Because of this, grandparents have different boundaries but can still use the principles of Love and Logic with their grandkids.
Here are three situations in which grandparents can appropriately step in with their grandkids.
When a Child’s Behavior Directly Affects the Grandparent
During a visit, a young boy took his grandpa’s electric shaver from his suitcase and tried it out. Having no facial hair, he experimented on his arms, then left the hair-filled shaver on the floor of his room.
After the grandpa finally found his shaver following an extensive search the next morning, he said to his grandson, "My suitcase is private property, and I don't like people using my shaver, especially without asking. I'm ready to shave, and I need a clean shaver." After explaining the cleaning procedure, grandpa said, "When it's clean, please knock on the bathroom door and return it to me. Thanks, bud."
When Children Violate Their Grandparents’ House Rules
On home turf, grandparents have the right to set the standards and may have different expectations when it comes to children’s clutter and belongings lying around. When grandchildren visit, they should adjust to their grandparents’ house rules. Sometimes grandchildren may protest a rule, saying, "At home we don't have to put things away."
It's not necessary to criticize their parents or defend your reason for your standards. A grandparent can simply say, "That's fine, and you're at Grandma's house now. At Grandma's house, we go by Grandma's rules. At your parents' house, we go by their rules."
When Parents Agree That Grandparents May Take Action
Good grandparenting includes understanding and respecting the boundaries parents set for their children. Some parents are fine with a grandparent taking action when misbehavior occurs. Others might prefer that the grandparent follow their lead or leave any action to the parent. Whatever their preference, it’s important to respect the boundaries parents set for their family.
When parents and grandparents struggle with these boundaries, they can set up an agreed signal. For example, a grandparent might say, "I really don't have a clear sense of when you feel I'm invading your parental territory, so when you feel that's happening, please tug on your right earlobe, and I will back off."
They can also keep in mind the First Rule of Love and Logic by avoiding anger, lectures, threats, and repeated warnings. Our classic audio, Helicopters, Drill Sergeants and Consultants offers timeless Love and Logic principles for interacting with kids.
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